1000: one last time

that is the most i have been insulted…

i had to write it down so i do not forget it…

you’d think it was bigger things…

like lack of effort or her or the absense of love

most days i hate you

but, i want to love this note though

so i will keep it in green….. or blue, but mostly green

remember that night we thought we saw something?

well i thought it was one drunk guy and you thought there were two

its how you started driving immediately, you were terrified…

i still smile to that most days. your scared reaction.

lately i think i hate you… well sometimes

your laugh, when you can not hold it in

you bend to laugh …

or how you always touch your face..

what is on your face really?

you are also very disrespectful….

like how many seconds did it take you…

between being in me..

and talking to her?

well atleast i now know how to say handsome in your language

i do not think i will ever use this word… suupu i think…..

that night, the third wheel night was definitely a sign

‘i could stay here forever’ you said….

did you ever think of me like that…..

someone you would want to hug forever?

its how you do not take work for me seriously

you would rather run off… focus on work for someone else…

that in itself is a message on its own…

loving people is one thing, liking them another…

but respecting them is most important…

that we do not have….

i am hoping you make it, so this pays for something….

its how you have not gone out of your way to do things…

even as simple as will you walk with me….

its how you take days without texting…

i know you are capable of texting back and picking calls…

even inbetween rounds… even pausing a moment to text back…

so if you arent, its because you are with someone you love, like and respect….

this should help you see that now. …

i have seen and met you at effort… so i know the bullshit now

so i have decided to make a decision for you..

mostly for me….

unexisting you…. its possible..

i have done this before so i know i will be fine…

i will work at it…

so why am i hoping you make it

how am i hoping you put babies in her womb…

that you make this work and you do stuff..

you are more similar to her… and its a good thing

its hard to be mad at you because i am mostly happy for you

i want to see you make love to her and enjoy it

to remind her that you need to come and hear her say no

to open your eyes while at it and be one in a moment without jumping out to answer a text

because you will be content with what you have next to you

you said we have to be rich…

lets be rich and enjoy it…everything…

it was nice meeting you…. but this is where i say bye…

i told you once that cups half full dont make it for me

parts…. i hate parts…. i told you this

so i am going to go look for wholes…

more sure moments where we can turn off our phones

exist in our own un veiled bubble for a minute.

there is a kind of life i want to live….

we’ve doodled towards each other long enough.

its sad that this is it….. we should never have gone doodling…

we should never have crossed over to the other end.




7 Comments Add yours

  1. A very deep and well-penned look at love and respect. A great piece well done.


    1. I just wanted to put down how important that part of love can be…. And should be…. And hoped to do it justice

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Love has no chance without getting this bit right. You did a wonderful job of expressing it.


  2. SueW says:

    The thoughts and frustrations of the heart – with which many of us can relate.
    Thank you, Brenda for sharing these with our Wednesday Doodling challenge.


    1. You are welcome Sue.
      I love that these get me writing more….. but that I also get to share my heart 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. SueW says:

        I’m so pleased to hear that. 🙂


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